My Relationship With My Spouse Has Changed Since

As you negotiate this new, unknown landscape, the advent of a new bundle of joy in your life will certainly bring with it a slew of challenges. On weekends, why don’t you turn off the alarm clock? Don’t waste your time. Sleep? I’d never heard of her before. However, along with the obvious changes that come with a new baby in the house, your relationship with your significant other may undergo some subtle adjustments as well. Trying to establish a new normal as a family rather than as a couple can be challenging, stressful, and even fantastic!

From “Husband” to “Dad,” Here Are the Different Ways Our Relationship Changed

When I saw the two pink lines on the dollar store pregnancy test I had scrounged up from the back of my closet, I saw my husband, Tom, in a “dad” light rather than a “significant other” light for the first time. His eyes gleamed, and he smiled so broadly that I feared his cheeks would split. On the other hand, the shock forced me to take a seat. He was at every doctor’s appointment after that, caressing my feet and making sure I was as relaxed as possible.

I’ll never forget his pride in telling me, “It’s a boy, babe!” when our first child was born. “It’s Jack!” he exclaimed as he entered the delivery room to announce our gender-neutral baby. I immediately recognised what I had suspected from our first date. He was going to be a natural at parenting. Tom was still my partner, my first call for any good or bad news, and my favourite person to cuddle up with on the couch at night. But now he had a new job title to add to his resume: parent. And he looked fantastic while doing it.

It’s fantastic to see how much he adores our sons, Jack and Theodore (not to mention me), and how hard he works to ensure that they grow up in a loving and enjoyable atmosphere. I’m so grateful I had a front-row seat to watch him crush being a husband and father on a daily basis. For him, the transition from spouse to parenting partner was effortless.

Communication’s Evolution

We also communicate in other ways. We no longer spend hours upon hours messaging sweet nothings to one other or laughing at each other’s secret jokes. Rather, we are synchronising our lives. Who is responsible for dropping off at the grandparents’ house? Who will be getting the chicken for dinner? Isn’t it true that we didn’t pay the mortgage bill this month?! It’s heartbreaking to recall the early days of our dating relationship, only to realise that they’ve been replaced with the routine realities of suburban mom and dad life.

But then I remember how fortunate we are to have created a creature that requires such care and attention. Pre-kids’ spontaneity might be gone. However, it is replaced by a sensation of calm and contentment. Having the common objective of sustaining a home and supporting our children and ourselves creates an unbreakable relationship. Even if the burden of it all overwhelms us on a regular basis, the duty has brought us closer.

We must also make a concerted effort to communicate clearly what we require from one another. In the cloud of sleep deprivation and stress that is parenting, it is more crucial than ever to be explicit about what we require and to avoid leaving anything to interpretation. We’re all guilty of expecting our partner to “just know” something that should be self-evident. However, they are unable to read our thoughts. And the other way around. Say exactly what you mean and exactly what you mean. You’ll save yourself from a lot of unnecessary arguments.

Sleep deprivation plays a crucial part in a relationship’s transition, which cannot be overlooked. Prior to becoming a parent, there appears to be an endless amount of free time to sleep, rest, and rejuvenate. When children are involved, both partners’ lack of sleep can make even the little nuisance seem like World War III.

Sleep deprivation also makes it difficult to make sensible decisions or evaluate a situation objectively, so you may find yourself snapping at something little or trivial. You may also find yourself snapping at your partner, resulting in irritation and resentment for everyone involved. Not to mention the fact that the infant is awake and requires your care. During these restless months, try to have grace for one another. They don’t last indefinitely!

Touch and Go is a phrase that means “touch and go

After a long day of parenting, you could find yourself “touched out.” You’ve spent the entire day on autopilot, keeping your tiny person alive, making sure dinner is on the table, and making sure the house is still intact. Getting cosy with your lover may be the last thing on your mind. This is understandable (keep in mind that your hormones are still in full swing as you negotiate postpartum life). Even if it’s understandable, facing that reality with your partner, especially if you had a high-touching relationship before having children, isn’t easy.

This does not have to be a sexual reference. Feeling touched out can manifest in a variety of ways. Even if you’re not in the mood, making a conscious effort to reclaim that connection can go a long way. It demonstrates to your partner that, despite being the most exhausted you’ve ever been, you still value your relationship and want to make time for them.

I realise it’s easier said than done. It’s difficult to feel romantic when you’ve slept for a total of four hours in the last 48 hours, have spit up on your shirt, and haven’t showered in days. But start simple and recall what made you fall in love with each other in the first place. Small doses of connection will make a huge difference in your relationship. It will also help you begin the next day with a new outlook and a renewed sense of teamwork and togetherness.

What is your preferred method of communication when it comes to love?

Using each other’s love languages is one approach to overcome changes in a relationship once children arrive. Love languages are healthy ways to communicate with your partner in order to understand how they prefer to offer and receive love. Knowing this information can help you save a lot of guesswork and personalise your extra attention in a way that you know will be well accepted.

“Quality Time” and “Physical Touch” are my husband’s love languages. Knowing this information allows me to think of ways to lighten his day or remind him that there was only “we” before “the family.” As parents, we must now make intentional attempts to make time for just the two of us, rather than focusing only on our children. Love languages allow us to better understand what makes each other tick and reconnect after a long day at work or with the kids.

Change is an unavoidable fact of life.

Your relationship will undoubtedly change as a result of becoming a parent. How could it not be? You’re transitioning from a couple to a family. That necessitates making decisions and carefully coordinating every detail. Parenthood, on the other hand, is about navigating the unknowns together and connecting over the highs and lows. And sharing in the joy of the small individuals you’ve produced is more important than anything else.

Of course, we miss our pre-baby days of long brunches, uninterrupted beach time, and spontaneous trips to the city. Nothing, however, compares to the thrill of watching our children grin at us. Of spilling the beans on how we know we have the cutest kids on the planet (yes, we do). And of being so proud of ourselves for handling everything life throws at us. Parenting is a rollercoaster of good, bad, and ugly, and having a partner to help you navigate it all makes it feel more manageable. The bond we share is growing stronger, and I’m looking forward to seeing how each season of life unfolds for us, as well as how our relationship evolves and changes for the better.

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